What Kind of Dominant Do You Want to Be?

There are many philosophies and decisions to be made when entering into BDSM and D/s fun. Who you choose to be in the community is completely up to you, and while it is dependent on a lot of factors, there tend to be a few categories that people prefer. This is true when it comes to being a Dominant as well. A person’s desires, wants, needs, personalities, and the person they are playing with or being in a relationship with, all of these play a role in what kind of Dominant a person chooses to be. For many people, exploring the different strategies and philosophies is necessary. Sometimes, it can take time for people to figure out which philosophies they are most comfortable with.

In addition, sometimes people adopt things outside of the main categories or create some categories of their own. BDSM has a wide range of D/s types, allowing people a fantastic sense of individuality. Safety, consent, awareness, and knowledge are important regardless of which type of Dominant you are looking to be. The type of submissive you are with or playing with also has an impact, as ruling with an iron fist is not ideal for every submissive type. There is a stereotype that most Dominants are barking orders, having strict discipline, and are ruling with an iron fist, though most tend to fall into other categories or have overlapping styles when it comes to their philosophy. These are some of the Dominant styles that people adopt.

Nurturing

Nurturing people have a drive to take care of their partners. By building them up and helping make them the people they want to be, these types of Dominants are most often extremely supportive. Setting up rules to help their partner achieve their goals can sometimes also be things like enforcing bedtime, creating schedules, making to-do lists, providing moral support, and using their Dominants to help take care of their submissive. In many cases, this is done gently, though a nurturing Dominant may also overlap with some other types of Domination people use.

Disciplinarian

Dominants often featured in movies are often what people generally stereotype the Dominant role in BDSM as. In most cases, however, being a Disciplinarian is not about raising their voice, getting angry, or roleplay punishing their partner for minor offenses. Most Dominants don't have to do any of these things and are more about getting what they want the way they want. Plus, behavior redirection is a form of roleplay. Many submissive’s, with the exception of things like bratting, are all about doing well, being praised, and following the rules and guidelines that are set up. There are high expectations set by disciplinarians as well as consequences for subs, but these are fair and meant to help these submissive do better in the future.

Silly and Goofy

Sex is all about having fun, and some Dominants are silly and goofy. While some in BDSM communities think that it is wrong for a Dominant to show a silly side, humor is a large part of many Dominant's personalities. While some super serious Doms may feel that this type of personality is a little less successful, that is not the case. Silly and goofy Dominants can be a lot of fun. They love to laugh, come up with creative scenes that are entertaining for everyone involved and the people who are watching as well, and are also able to poke fun at themselves on occasion. Just because there is some goofing around doesn’t mean that these Doms are any less in control or less safe. Like most categories of Dominants, this type of Dominant most often has parts of the other categories mixed in as well.

Gentle

Gentle Dominants are nice, asking their submissive to do things in a pleasant manner. When a Dominant earns consent, trust, and control, the tone or method they use is irrelevant. Dominants can use whatever type of tone they want, and in many cases, would rather ask nicely than be more outspoken. These Dominants often tend towards being gentle, quiet, and soft-spoken, though still maintain their status through a variety of means and strategies.

Doing For Others

In some cases, people are Dominating mainly for the benefit of other people. While this might be most often seen in a caregiver dynamic or with someone who has a little, it can work well in any type of D/s dynamic. There are Dominants who pick out their submissive’s clothing, make their meals, and perform what can look like acts of service. That said, who makes the decisions and has the control is still the Dominant. For many people, this kind of Domination philosophy is about how something gets done rather than how the actions make you feel.

Be Yourself

These are some general categories for Dominant roles and how people do them. That said, it is important to be yourself and put together a style that works for both you and the submissive. There is no single right way to dominate a partner, control a submissive, or put together a D/s relationship. While there are some stereotypes about being Dominant, focusing on what allows you to be yourself is an essential part of being successful as a Dominant personality.